Vampire and Bloodsucker Stories…and what I learned from them

Dear Vampires:

I get it, you guys are magnetic. Incredibly beautiful and perfect that people just become drawn to you. All of you vampires are the same: from Dracula, to Lestat and Louis, to Edward Cullen, to Stefan and Damon Salvatore, to all the vampires Buffy has killed…well, you guys are the same, beautiful, charming, magnetic, manipulative bloodsuckers.

As I look at the shelves of the bookstore and see one dedicated to the so called creatures of the dark, with pictures on it that either had fangs or bite marks, with gothic font… as much as vampires interest me, you guys have become so overrated and popular, and such a part of the current pop culture that I won’t be surprised if kids will actually think you exist.

So, I know this is a big favor to ask, and I know this is ironic and everything, since you are the epitome of the undead after all… can you please die down now? When I grow up to have my own kids, I don’t want them to be scared that someone will suck their blood in their sleep.

With Love, Me.

When I was a kid, I obviously knew about Dracula, and even though I still haven’t got around to reading the book, I did watch Interview With The Vampire, I think, in sixth grade (I will read the whole Anne Rice Vampire Chronicles when the Vampire Hype has died down.) and of course, there was also Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

When I came to college, I saw more and more vampire books on the shelves: At first it was just the silliness of the Twilight Saga, and every girl fell in love with Edward Cullen. And then there were Vampire Diaries, Vampire Academy, Blue Bloods, True Blood…I don’t even know which books were published first.  All I know is that even though I like vampire stories and I love books, full shelves dedicated to vampires in the bookstore can be pretty weird.

For the record, after I did quickie readings on Wikipedia (I know, not really a good source) here are some Vampire Books and their dates of publication:Dracula by Bram Stoker, 1897; Interview with the Vampire (TheVampire Chronicles) by Anne Rice, 1976; The Vampire Diaries by LJ Smith, 1991; Southern Vampire Mysteries (titled True Blood on the HBO Series) by Charlaine Harris, 2001; Vampire Kisses By Ellen Schreiber, 2003;Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer, 2005;  Blue Bloods by Melissa de la Cruz, 2007; and Vampire Academy by Richelle Mead, 2007

Bookworm as I am, I won’t let my bedroom look like a mini version of the bookstores. I like vampire stories and everything, but I won’t let fangs and bloodsuckers dominate my bookshelves. I’d rather look like a shallow brat filling it up with chick lits rather than a dark, goth girl filling it up with bloodsucker stories. (And just so you know, I am partly that dark, gothic, emo girl.)

For now, I would just watch Vampire Diaries over and over, and it’s only because Ian Somerhalder is hot, there’s a bit of Wiccan magic, and their soundtrack is amazing.

Here are the things I learned from all those vampires:

  1. When I get my own house or apartment, it should be flooded with light, so that if a vampire holds me captive, I can wait for morning and open up a curtain, and it will shriek as it burns and turns to ashes.
  2. I should never invite people inside my living quarters, and if I do, I should not use a direct invitation..Maybe just say, “The kitchen is this way.” I mean, it would be awkward to say “If you’re human you can come in, but if you’re a vampire, stay out.” People will think I’m crazy.
  3. I could stab a vampire with a pencil anytime (Like what Elena Gilbert did in an Episode of The Vampire Diaries). Maybe I could kill it if by some luck, I accidentally stab it in the chest. Pencil is made out of wood, right? And maybe if the tip broke, it will be cool for a vampire to die out of lead poisoning.
  4. If my boyfriend turns out to be a vampire, I should have a werewolf or a witch for a best friend, just in case, you know, he tries to suck the blood out of me.
  5. If some guy magnetically draws me in, and quotes classics and poetry to me as his eyes bore into mine intensely, he’s a vampire, so I should just stab him with the pencil I will always have handy. =)
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