It has become clearer that the things you want are never going to be the things that you will get.
I wanted so many things – especially when it comes to relationships.
I wanted to fall in love – with someone who loves me more than I love him. With someone who doesn’t break my heart every single day. I want to be with someone who can’t go on a day without talking to me, or without telling me that he loves me.
I want to fall in love with someone who looks at me with all the love in the world in his eyes, because I am the most important person in his life, come hell or high water.
I thought I had that.
But maybe not.
I have been trying so hard to be okay, I have. But sometimes, it’s hard to be okay when it’s hard to breathe.
I didn’t think a hurting heart can be this real – it’s as if there’s something empty inside me, and I can feel that emptiness with every single breath.
I am trying so desperately to be happy, I am.
But not everyone is made that way, I suppose.
The worst part is that there was a time in my life when sadness was foreign to me. There was a time when I don’t even know what hurting feels like.
How I got from here to there – I know exactly why.
But I can’t let it go.
Because this broken little girl? She knows exactly what’s wrong. And if only that wrong thing can keep her on her feet, she’s going to be okay.