Things have been hectic.
I’ve been rethinking my life since summer, and I decided that I need a change in pace.
I needed to take chances.
I decided that the first thing I should do is to change my career. I did not particularly like my old job, but I loved the opportunities it gave me and I liked my immediate supervisor, which is why it was a bit difficult for me to leave. Yet, I followed through with applying for other companies and I landed a marketing job in the food and wine industry.
That being said, I spent a big part of the year job hunting, interviewing, getting my affairs in order as I turned over my old job to my replacement, and then adjusting to my new job, which is quite different, but one that I am loving so far.
I needed to let go.
I didn’t know how much two people can change until I saw it for myself. There is nothing more scarring than seeing the person who meant the world to you for the first time since the last time.
Oh God, more times than I can count, I played in my head what to say to him the next time I see him, but when I finally did (for the first time in nearly four years) all I could do was give him the biggest hug I could muster as I congratulated him for finally making his dreams come true. I was so proud of what he achieved, but as the night went on, I realized that the person I loved was gone, and the person who sat next to me on that table was a stranger. And I bet he could say the same thing about me as well. ‘Lo and behold, I realized that night that the stranger that he has become is not someone I could even begin to consider ever being with. So that’s that. Finite.
I needed to do.
My bucket list is filled with so many things for me to do, and I have checked them one by one, although I haven’t done as many as I wanted. But I am going on a trip in a few weeks — my first solo trip to another country, so it’s going to be an amazing experience.
Then there are other things, too. I started paying for a life insurance plan this year, which is such a big, adult step for me to take. I am also thinking of getting another health insurance or investing what little money I do have into a fund, but I am still looking into different companies to better evaluate my next step.
I needed to BE.
Am I an extraordinary person? Not so much. But I am by no means ordinary, either — at least, as far as people around me believe. You cannot imagine how disappointing it has been when I found that people expected more from me than what I’ve shown the world so far. My family, my best friends, my former teachers all shared the same sentiment: I could do so much more.
So I’m trying be the person everyone else expects me to be. I’m trying to be the person I thought I will be. Aside from starting a new job, I am also co-spearheading the Cebu chapter of an organization that we hope we could launch in January. Then, my friends and I have been looking into doing a fundraiser for a friend’s mom, whose hospitalization and incurred medical costs are skyrocketing. Any suggestions for a fundraiser will be welcome (because we want to do as much as we can as fast as we can).
And this ends another random, narcissistic post from me to you.