Meet Mr. Darcy:
He is a beautiful, wealthy man who loves you most ardently. He declares his feelings for you in the rain. He’s a complex person who make you weak in the knees. He’s not dumb like Romeo. He’s perfect.
This is Christian Grey:
He’s also beautiful and wealthy, but he only wants you for sex. And weird sex at that. He also is vulgar with his money. And he expects you to do his bidding. He is therefore, irrelevant.
Browsing through my social networks, I noticed that I have actual friends who would probably attract more Christian Greys than Mr. Darcys, most of them single and making it clear on the internet that they would rather not be anymore.
Being more of girl friend than a girlfriend (I am one of the boys, if you can believe that) I have years of insight from the males of the species what they want for a serious girlfriend. Sure, being pretty is top of the list, but a serious, they-actually-want-to-be-with-you-in-the-long-run kind of girlfriend is a different thing from someone they just want to date once or twice.
I asked some guys I know for help (they’re in post-grad, working on their careers, single and looking for serious relationships, in serious (more than 3-years-long) relationships, etc…
Anyway, here are some things you may have been doing that’s driving your 21st-century Mr. Darcy away.
(Note: If you’d want a Christian Grey, I’m not sure this is helpful though.)
1) Selfies are cute from time to time, but having too many of them can be annoying.
Jace said: True. The more exposed it is, the worth declines.
John said: False. Selfies are never cute.
Mark: Only take selfies on special ocassions, like if there’s something amazing or great.
Steve said: More than one a day is too much.
David said: Thrice a week might be fine.
(Yes, they have a lot to say about the selfies.)
2) Do not chronicle your life story on Facebook. There’s Twitter and Tumblr for that.
John said: False, Personal Drama should never be on the internet. Find a friend.
Pio said: Get an actual diary for urgent rants
Miguel said: It’s annoying when they post even about minute details, they are not celebrities.
Pride and Prejudice: “Mary wished to say something very sensible, but knew not how.”
3) “Sexy” photos — wearing only a towel, underwear, skimpy sleepwear, skimpy clothes in general, duckfaces, etc — should not be on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram… there are porn sites for that.
Glenn Said: It’s not necessarily porn sites, they can go to dating sites.
Jace said: Wearing something like a guy can rent overnight will make you worthless.
4) Guys can smell desperation from a mile away. Those excessive single and happy posts, “sexy” poses, I’m fat / I’m ugly posts, etc., will not make them like you.
John said: Some guys will prey on that desperation.
Jace said: Those posts are super turn-offs.
5) Guys tend to flock toward easy girls, you’d know if you’re in the easy category based on the way the guys invest in you.
David said: If she’s easy to get, she’s easier to let go.
Pio said: Only stupid guys dig easy girls.
6) Dressing up is a plus, but there’s a thin line between being properly sexy and being slutty. (General rule is pick only one part to expose: either the cleavage, midriff, or legs, more than that is too much.)
John said: Let people know who you are based on what you can say rather than what you can look like.
7) Posting photos of yourself and captioning it with “I’m fat” or “I’m ugly” etc., does not gain you points. They know when you’re just fishing for compliments.
Glenn said: When they do give you compliments, that does not automatically mean they’re flirting with you.
Jace said: It shows that you’re an attention whore and if you’re fat and not doing anything about it, it’s your fault, you are in charge of your body after all.
8) “Marriage” and “future” talks are scary topics. Wait at least six months before bringing it up, or better yet, wait for him to bring it up first.
John said: Talk about the right things to the right people at the right time.
Mark said: Very (with emphasis) true.
Jace said: If it’s too early, it’s creepy and causes the men to run away.
Don said: I actually ran away from this.
9) There is such as thing as bad publicity / negative attention. Guys who want to date long-term don’t want to get the negative.
Zee said: Example, those girls who talk to loud just to make a guy glance their way.
10) Confidence is key: Insecure girls are not long-term material because the drama just isn’t worth it.
Jace said: The endless loop of drama and desperation will kill you both off.
Pio said: There are cute insecure ones, apart from the aggressive, vile ones. If you get the former, nourish them, love them.
(I’m not sure what he wants to say about the aggressive, vile ones, though. And I guess they have their own limitations about the cuteness of insecurities)
On other notes:
Josh said: You get what you deserve, so take time to reflect what lacks in you so that you won’t use your relationship just to feel good about yourself.
Clark said: In the end, I still look at the over-all package: Looks AND personality.
Of course, girls probably won’t agree to this, but these are things I learned from being around a guys a lot, and well, they too, have their own standards on what kind of girls they want to end up with.
So do you want a gentleman that’s more like Mr. Darcy, or Mr. Grey?